Reviewing this mornings Manx Radio headline by David Ashford MHK in which he authoritatively declares that Shoprite Group failed to call upon the skills of either himself or IOM Government in relation to its recent sale to Tesco’s - we were instantly reminded of all the previous incarnations of the Isle of Man’s most intriguing but persistent Walter Mitty MHK. In fact listening to his dulcet tones on the radio any casual listener might well be convinced that the boundaries of his constituency may have recently been extended to encompass a new North Douglas address at 52 Festive Road ...
Older readers may be familiar with the mythical address of 52 Festive Road as it was the residence at which David McKee’s fancy dress cartoon fantasist Mr Benn once resided. Viewers of the original series might recall that rather like Mr Ashford the sombre suit wearing Mr Benn only had to frequent the changing room of his local fancy dress shop and put on a costume in order to be immediately transported into an alternative reality where for ten minutes or so he could become a real Frogman, Red Knight, Spaceman, Clown or even a Hot Air Balloonist. In fact Mr Benn would fully absorb the identity of the costume owner in this alternative world until the mysterious fez wearing shop keeper, like some sort of magical care in the community nurse, suddenly appeared to lead him back into the changing room and to his normal life.
The assisted return to reality wasn't the end though because at the very end of each episode Mr Benn would be left with a small souvenir or memento of his latest ten minute fantasy adventure - which in Mr Ashford's case from his adventures so far are likely to be a weighty biography of Winston Churchill, a Gef the Mongoose Ashy pandemic t-shirt, and a petrol-driven letter shredder.
Link to Manx Radio story:
As we can see in his latest adventure in his borrowed Sir John Harvey-Jones costume, Mr Ashford clarifies that Shoprite Group should have called upon his substantial expertise in corporate restructuring and mergers and acquisitions and have been subject to regulations which would give the Office of Fair Trading the powers to oversee large acquisitions.
He ends by clarifying that there is a gaping hole in the current legislation presumably somewhat similar to the gaping chasm which seems to exist in his personality which apparently allows him to so seamlessly assume the persona of almost any authoritative figure he chooses to mimic in order to make up for his own apparent and spectacular lack of character or substance.
But so good is Ashy's act and so long the political career ahead of him that we are led to wonder what incarnations we will see next from Tynwald's very own Mr Benn? Perhaps Ashy the Architect should he get a future role at the DOI? Or Ashy the Nuclear Physicist if the MUA is ever looking for an MHK to oversee its sustainable energy strategy? Or perhaps a role awaits as the learned Professor Ashford at the DESC overseeing the Manx education system?
The future political persona options would seem to be almost endless because rather like Woody Allen’s satirical film character Leonard Zelig, Mr Ashford appears to be a genuinely nondescript enigma who out of a clear and heightened desire to fit with society appears to unwittingly and involuntarily begin to adopt the characteristics and personas of those around him.
David Ashford MBE, MHK business re-structuring expert (this week)
